Friday, November 1, 2013

Where I admit to being a FitMom

Or a variation of.

I took some time to reflect on why the attacks on this woman are so upsetting to me- and realized it's because I am Fitmom by various degrees.

Growing up, I was(and still am) smaller than most of my friends. Any time I made a comment about myself, I was(lovingly, mostly) told to shut up because I'm skinny. Unfortunately, they didn't hear my mom's constant comments about my feet being giant and see how that translated to me buying shoes a size too big. They didn't hear my mom's comments that 'no kid of mine ever fit in a slim jean!' and see how that caused me to buy baggy pants. My mom also told me for a long time that 'you should really jump on the Nordic Track for 20mins, you could stand to lose 10lbs'. So, I thought I was overweight. This was in addition to many assuming my family was the real life version of the Brady Bunch, while behind closed doors things were very, very bad. I ended up experimenting with cutting for a time and considered if it was worth continuing. Because I was thin(ner) it seemed I didn't have the right to voice my own body issues. I felt very isolated.

I still feel very isolated. It seems the same physical assumptions from my childhood have followed me into adulthood, and now extend to the way I keep my house, or the choices I make for my family. Then I lost 10lbs a little over a year ago when we had to make dietary changes for my son.

Ironically, a few weeks before Fitmom's picture went viral, I almost took a photo of myself to post to my facebook page in celebration of what I've achieved mentally and emotionally. I wore brown skinny pants, fitted cream sweater that didn't hide my butt/thighs, shoes the right size, and my hair pulled back(which I didn't do in high school because I was so ashamed of my skin). I did not post the picture, because I was afraid of the comments I might get. I don't think anyone would be intentionally mean, but I do know it'd only cause some to feel bad about themselves and post a comment alluding to as much. And that really hurts me, to know others are hurting. There was no caption I could think of that I thought could contain it to what it was- my accomplishment.

So again, ladies, my plea. Be gentle with one another, be gentle with yourself. We are all Fitmoms by various degrees.


ammi roy said...

Thought I would comment and say cool theme, did you create it on your own? It looks excellent!
jeux de amour

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