Friday, May 27, 2011

Hello, Old Friend

I'm starting to feel like a broken record, 'Apologies for my absence...'

We survived 'vacation'. What a silly word, by the way. One that invokes ideas of relaxation and/or rejuvenation. Which, if you're headed to a week at the spa, may be the case. But let's be honest- there's nothing relaxing or rejuvenating about driving 1400 miles(one way) with 6 people in a car. Add almost daily trips about, not always the healthiest food and a 2 hour time difference = potentially a recipe for disaster. 

Disaster it truly wasn't, but prepared for the aftermath, not so much. I keep thinking I've felt what has to be 100% exhaustion and then amazingly, it gets worse. In my pregnancies that equates more puking and general passing out. As all mom's know this doesn't mean life slows down in sympathy one iota to allow us time to catch up. And I've found myself slipping further and further behind. Like I'm walking in water or have 20 pounds of mud on each shoe. Each seemingly small task or obligation has felt insurmountable to the point I've been incapable at accomplishing anything, even the things I used to enjoy.

I'm sure there are several readers that can see the red flags in the above paragraphs. Yes, I've slipped into stupid depression over the last few months. An Old Friend, if you will, that I haven't seen around since before I got pregnant with my first. What makes it more frustrating is that I generally feel the best(mentally/emotionally) when pregnant. Must be a better mix of hormones for me. Go figure. 

This realization was just had recently and I'm taking steps to reduce some stress triggers in an effort to get on top of it. One big one being taking a paycut for a while at work and reducing some hours. Financially it's a bad plan but, saving what's left of my sanity is worth the sacrifice. I haven't been the mom, wife or individual I want to be for several weeks/months and it's time to take care of myself so I can get back to that. 

Another thing that may be changing some is my blog. It started out for fun and migrated into almost a part-time job. Which also migrated into being not fun and more stressful than cathartic(which is why I write). Props to the moms that can manage full time blogging with a full time job! I'm not that good. So I'm going back to what I am good at- sharing life, thoughts, information- as able. No schedule to follow, no expectations to keep up with the Big Blogs!

My blog is going to be just Me. Trying my best to take care of my family and make the world a better place. 

I invite you along for the bumpy, but hopefully worthwhile, ride. 


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